#87 The Secret to Psychological Freedom: Strengthening the Part of You That Knows

In this episode of Talking Your Way to Change, Dr. Xan Banker dives deep into the fascinating nature of self-awareness, emphasizing how our ability to observe and reflect on ourselves is uniquely human and vital for growth and resilience. If you've ever wondered how we develop a sense of self, or how therapy helps us expand our inner awareness, this episode offers clear insights grounded in psychology, philosophy, and everyday experience. The dual role of the self as both the experiencer and the observer, a concept introduced over 130 years ago by William James. How the capacity to step outside our immediate experiences enables self-regulation, emotional intelligence, and intentional change. The development of self-awareness through early attachments, shared engagement, and intersubjectivity, highlighting the importance of relationships. The therapeutic process of strengthening the "knower" within us to better respond rather than react to life's challenges. Practical examples, including the analogy of running, illustrating how shifting perspective helps tolerate discomfort and fosters growth. 00:00 - Introduction to the theme: The human gift of self-awareness and reflection 00:40 - The extraordinary part of being human: Observing your own reactions and emotions 01:11 - The evolution of understanding the self: William James and the dual aspects of self 02:06 - The importance of reflection: Why experiencing emotions alone is limited 02:34 - The two functions of the mind: Experience and observation 03:25 - The self as both the knower and the known: Building a sense of identity over time 04:21 - The role of the observing self: Self-awareness, self-control, and regulation 05:20 - How therapy enhances the capacity to know oneself: Insight and intentionality 06:14 - The social roots of self-knowledge: Early attachment and shared engagement 07:33 - The process of intersubjectivity: Learning about ourselves through others 08:55 - The role of relationships in shaping self-awareness and identity** 09:49 - How therapy borrows and then develops the capacity to observe ourselves** 10:34 - The power of the shared space of intersubjectivity: Therapy as a mirror 11:12 - Respond vs react: The freedom gained from self-awareness 11:20 - A personal story illustrating the knower and known in running** 13:10 - Contextualizing discomfort: The example of running and psychological flexibility 14:34 - Moving between streams of awareness: The back-seat observer 15:58 - How strengthening the reflective self leads to resilience and change** 16:57 - Final thoughts: The human capacity for curiosity, choice, and growth References Bateman, A., & Fonagy, P. (2016). Mentalization-based treatment for personality disorders: A practical guide. Oxford University Press. Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders. International Universities Press. Fonagy, P., Gergely, G., Jurist, E. L., & Target, M. (2002). Affect regulation, mentalization, and the development of the self. Other Press. James, W. (1890). The principles of psychology (Vols. 1–2). Henry Holt. https://doi.org/10.1037/10538-000 Kabat-Zinn, J. (1994). Wherever you go, there you are: Mindfulness meditation in everyday life. Hyperion. Segal, Z. V., Williams, J. M. G., & Teasdale, J. D. (2018). Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy for depression (2nd ed.). Guilford Press. Sterba, R. (1934). The fate of the ego in analytic therapy. International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 15, 117–126. Stern, D. N. (1985). The interpersonal world of the infant: A view from psychoanalysis and developmental psychology. Basic Books. Stern, D. N. (2004). The present moment in psychotherapy and everyday life. W. W. Norton. Trevarthen, C., & Aitken, K. J. (2001). Infant intersubjectivity: Research, theory, and clinical applications. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 42(1), 3–48.

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